"Can anything good come out from Nazareth?" Nathanael asked. "Come and see," answered Philip - John 1:46
Now what if someone asks you directly the same question and it comes out like this: "Can anything good come out from YOU?" - how will you respond?
How will anyone respond to that particular question when they have a haunting past that cripples them from being what they should be: an obscured history of sexual abuse; a continuous violent drinking spree; a teenage pregnancy; serving jail time for drug trafficking; failing the licensing exam; a job termination for being incompetent and unreliable; destroying your marriage because of infidelity; and so on and so forth.
How can anyone believe the good in all of us when we (you and I) haven't quite figured out the whole picture of our own goodness because all we see are the stains of human errors, mistakes, and failures, coupled with the feeling of humiliation, frustration and anger covering it all up.
To be frank, I started this year (2012) by making my way to my work just so I can pass a letter of resignation. Not a very good idea, especially for the superstitious, with their fearful premonitions of bad luck (a meteor crashing over me, or a broken toenail, or warts popping up all over my face, I don't know!) coming my way. But I had to do it because I needed to do it. The latter part of the previous year was the time wherein I almost lost myself... just because I messed up at my work. I wasn't anymore meeting the demands and goals of my work, I was being sloppy, I was a clueless wreck, I caused a problem that blew out of proportion, I made the wrong decisions and basically, I wasn't myself. And when you lose yourself like that, somehow, you slowly start asking "Am I GOOD enough?"
I couldn't make it a point to believe in myself anymore, because I was afraid. I was afraid of my weaknesses and shortcomings and I was afraid of making mistakes. I was afraid of hurting people and I was afraid of being a heavy burden. All that crippled me and dimmed the very light of my being. I started losing hope. And out of the darkness of my thoughts, when all I thought about myself was this big heap of a loser, a voice I often neglected came back shouting out to me:
"You are SPECIAL, and you are very much LOVED!"
It rang like a bell tolling in a church tower and it reminded me that all was not lost. That mistakes come and go, and these happen not for the sake of destroying ourselves and getting out of track. Rather, I was called to look into the problem, look into my flaws, look into the very meaning of circumstances, and see that these are God's unique way of teaching me to become and transform into a better person.
It is a shame to admit that I lost faith in myself or that I was at the point of disbelieving everything about me. You know why? Because at that moment when I failed to believe in myself, I realized that God never stopped believing in me. And He knows me more than I know myself, because He made every bit of me, from my strengths, my skills, my knowledge, my history, my weakness, and my life, all for a perfectly good reason. And all I have to do is to listen... to take heed into the very signs that He has laid in my life and to learn from them, up until the time comes for me (and for everyone else) to transcend from the horrors and shame of their past, and become a shining light.
So for those who are at the brink of losing yourself... don't give up. Pray, because it is in prayer that we realize that there is much to hope for, because in communing with God, we are reminded of our existence and the very purpose of it. Don't let yourself fall into helpless heap, but rather stand strong, gather courage, look beyond the gray and sorrow, and see that waiting at the end of all our struggles, the dreams that we long to behold and long to live in will eventually come to life.
We have everything wonderful set out for us. Let us search for that and let us live life aiming for that shining star of love and acceptance.
"You are SPECIAL, and you are very much LOVED!"
It rang like a bell tolling in a church tower and it reminded me that all was not lost. That mistakes come and go, and these happen not for the sake of destroying ourselves and getting out of track. Rather, I was called to look into the problem, look into my flaws, look into the very meaning of circumstances, and see that these are God's unique way of teaching me to become and transform into a better person.
It is a shame to admit that I lost faith in myself or that I was at the point of disbelieving everything about me. You know why? Because at that moment when I failed to believe in myself, I realized that God never stopped believing in me. And He knows me more than I know myself, because He made every bit of me, from my strengths, my skills, my knowledge, my history, my weakness, and my life, all for a perfectly good reason. And all I have to do is to listen... to take heed into the very signs that He has laid in my life and to learn from them, up until the time comes for me (and for everyone else) to transcend from the horrors and shame of their past, and become a shining light.
So for those who are at the brink of losing yourself... don't give up. Pray, because it is in prayer that we realize that there is much to hope for, because in communing with God, we are reminded of our existence and the very purpose of it. Don't let yourself fall into helpless heap, but rather stand strong, gather courage, look beyond the gray and sorrow, and see that waiting at the end of all our struggles, the dreams that we long to behold and long to live in will eventually come to life.
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